Sooo... it's that time of year again!
I cannot believe how fast this year has gone by! My mum once said to me; when the years seem to be flying by, its a sure sign that you're getting older. *Sigh* This statement couldn't be more true. Back in secondary school and sixth form, the days seemed to drag and drag, and we couldn't wait to grow up, we couldn't wait for the next half term, or the next Summer/Christmas holidays. Everything was so slow to happen. Who would've thought that once we hit adulthood we would literally be begging for time to slow down, even just a little bit, lol! It's so surreal to me.
So whether I like it or not, it is that time of year, and I can't do anything about it, except what I usually do do about it - eat, drink, spend time with loved ones, but most of all, reflect on the passing year and hope and plan for the coming year. So today's post is about just that, Reflections and Resolutions.... plus some pretty pictures of 2 NYE looks, yay!
REFLECTIONS
If you could describe your 2016 in one word, what would it be?
Mine would be challenging...and surprising. That's two words. But it's my blog, so I'm allowed :-p
Putting myself 'out there'
If you're reading this right now, unless you're Eniola, or a cousin, or one of my girls, it's more likely than not that you've only just come across my blog this year, or in the past few months, or weeks, or days even. But ask me how long I've been doing this - or shall I say, trying to do this.
Since 2012. I've been blogging for 4 years, on and off. Although I enjoy it a lot, putting myself out there has been the biggest challenge since 19 year old me decided to give this a go, and it still is. I love clothes. I love fashion and style, if I won the lottery tomorrow, one of the first things my brain would tell me is 'SHOP!' lol. From observing other style bloggers and vloggers, I couldn't think of a better way to exercise my same passion.
Since 2012. I've been blogging for 4 years, on and off. Although I enjoy it a lot, putting myself out there has been the biggest challenge since 19 year old me decided to give this a go, and it still is. I love clothes. I love fashion and style, if I won the lottery tomorrow, one of the first things my brain would tell me is 'SHOP!' lol. From observing other style bloggers and vloggers, I couldn't think of a better way to exercise my same passion.
When I first started this blog it was not called 'Jessica's Walk-In Closet'. This blog has gone through more name changes (as well as theme changes) than I can count lol. But I guess that all had to be part of the process for me to now end up with 'Jessica's Walk-In Closet'. It wasn't such a bad thing in hindsight, it's commendable that I was and still am always trying to improve on the look of my blog - and one day my brand!
I cannot stress enough how hushed I was about blogging (and even YouTube at one point). Eniola was the only person who really knew at the time, and that was only because she wanted to start one too, so we had that in common, and she was also gonna be the one helping me with taking pictures etc. so of course, she had to know.
Any blogger in their right mind will post and then update all their social media accounts to let everyone know that they have a new post up... I kid you not, I went through the past (almost) 3 years posting for myself lol. Literally I'd post and not tell a soul. Then I'd get frustrated with myself when I would look at my stats every day and see 0-1 view per post LOL. Call it crazy... because it was. I really was expecting people to just discover my blog from thin air, but at the same time, I didn't really want anyone to see my blog. Some crazy complex, I know, lol.
There were/are a lot of factors that played into why I stalled so much when it came to putting myself out there. I'm happy to say that although I have not 100% overcome all those factors, I have come such a long way this year..my instagram and twitter pages can attest to that lol. As I type, I'm realising that this was actually one of my resolutions this time last year, and I'm only now just recognizing that I've actually done something I set out to do. I've honestly surprised myself.
Comparing myself to others
This has got to be one of the worst things anyone can do to themselves when starting out on any type of new venture. Nothing is really new under the sun. Everything has been born out of something that existed before it. So the worst thing to do is to compare yourself and your work to anybody and everybody who's doing it or has ever done it. And what's even sadder about this point is that you're doing it to your own self! I was constantly doing this to myself - even now, I still catch myself doing it.
I would constantly compare myself to the ones I looked up to and wonder who the hell I thought I was, even thinking to attempt doing what they do. I would look at them and think people didn't need or want to see me and my style ideas when they have Melissa's Wardrobe or Shirley B Eniang, like, what? I would look at them and think I'm not as pretty as them. I would look at them and think my camera quality is so bad and I can't afford the camera's they use. I would look at them and think my clothes are not as nice as theirs. I would look at them and think I can't afford designer shoes to blog about.
I would look at them and think all sorts. My brain would just conjure up all sorts of seemingly sensible reasons to justify my fear and procrastination. Let me not even say my brain, because that was honestly the devil. It was the devil trying to justify to me why I couldn't be great, why I shouldn't even try to be great, trying to convince me to give up before I had even started. But if there is one thing we all know about Lucifer, its that he is a damn lie. *emphasis on lie*.
So I decided that I wanted to put in more effort on my blog this time last year. To do this, I implemented a coping mechanism for my own sanity and for the life of my blog. I deleted all my social media accounts and started afresh - this I did quite a few times actually. Each time I found myself getting caught up in the hustle and bustle of style bloggers on Instagram and twitter I would end up deleting/deactivating my accounts. In setting up my new accounts I made sure not to follow all the people I commonly found myself comparing myself to. Not that it's any of their faults that they're so bomb, but just so I had less reasons to stand in my own way.
Once I had all my pages up and running again, I thought to myself, I can't not observe any of the style bloggers that I look up to or that I come across. Instead of using them to put myself down, I developed a different outlook where I viewed them as 'if they can do it, so can I'. As much as it's hard to, when it seems like they're all so perfect and always have been, I decided to embrace my own humble beginnings, accepting that I cannot expect to run before I walk, or walk before I crawl. Because everybody has to start from somewhere, right? right.
At the end of the day, they're all stunningly fabulous, but none of them are ME! ^_^
Worrying about what people would think
As if comparing myself wasn't enough of a self-inflicted hindrance, whenever I was able to get past that, the next thing Lucifer threw at me was worrying about what people would think.
Worrying about what people who knew me would think, worrying about what people who know me would think, worrying about what people who never knew me and don't even know me would think.
Will they think that I think I'm "too nice"? always topped the list of questions I'd ask myself - whatever "too nice" even means, (and so what if they do by the way, lol!).Will they like my outfits? Will they be interested? Just putting myself through the most.
Will they think that I think I'm "too nice"? always topped the list of questions I'd ask myself - whatever "too nice" even means, (and so what if they do by the way, lol!).Will they like my outfits? Will they be interested? Just putting myself through the most.
Whenever I would gather up the courage to post and update social media that I'd posted, the paranoia was so real. Each time I got a notification that someone "liked" my picture on instagram, I would wonder why I got that like. It's funny thinking about it but its so true. I post my pictures so that people can "like" them but then I wonder why they're liking them when they do, and what they were thinking when they saw it. It's like I don't trust my own abilities to attract peoples attention when it comes to style so I'm always second-guessing myself when it happens.
In the beginning I would always put my phone away after posting, and distract myself so that I couldn't see the likes as they rolled in (if any lol). More recently though, as I have gotten better with updating social media about my blog posts, I always have to remind myself that people have actually been more accepting and welcoming than I anticipated. And that helps so, so much. I also tell myself that more people will like my outfits than not, someone might be inspired and that should be good enough reason to tap the'send' or 'tweet' button
Procrastination & Staying Consistent
Now, as you might imagine, staying consistent is almost impossible when you're dealing with the first two demons above. Feeling less than, and worrying about all the negatives had me missing weeks worth of posts at a time, even when I had really good ideas. It then follows that, once I was able to diminish the effects of the first two hindrances, staying consistent became less and less of a struggle.
Although working full-time brings it right back up to 100% struggle lol. But I'm proud of myself because even as I now work full-time, I have been so much more consistent with my blog than I ever was back when I was a student or unemployed and had all the time in the world.
Although working full-time brings it right back up to 100% struggle lol. But I'm proud of myself because even as I now work full-time, I have been so much more consistent with my blog than I ever was back when I was a student or unemployed and had all the time in the world.
It also helped a lot that I had a good support system - that being my younger sister and Eniola. My sister is 6 years younger than me but she really helped to kick my ass into gear this year lol. They made a good support system because they were also on the same page as me. Eniola has her own blog so she was on the same wavelength - and we encouraged each other to keep on keeping on even through the coldest of winter days. My sister had been wanting us to start our own YouTube channel for a while, and whilst I always stalled, she was very persistent and shaded me about always planning to work on my blog/YouTube and never actually doing anything ¬_¬
So special shoutout to those two absolute gems for putting up with me and taking my pictures.. Couldn't have done it without you guys even though you're both very annoying ;-)
So special shoutout to those two absolute gems for putting up with me and taking my pictures.. Couldn't have done it without you guys even though you're both very annoying ;-)
I also started a YouTube channel years back and very abruptly ended it all because I became massively discouraged. I felt like everyone else on YouTube looked better and was better (and they were). Again, I wasn't content with crawling before I walked, I wanted to hit the ground running. The other day I was watching one of my YouTube faves, Patricia Bright, in a video where she was watching and reacting to all her oldest videos on YouTube. As I gasped at how far she had come I realized what a mistake I had made in giving up on myself back then.
I never actually deleted the channel so it retained all the subscribers - about 390 or so. So, you see, despite how I felt about myself doing YouTube back then, people still found my channel worth subscribing to. I consider my videos now to be of much better quality and content than before, but the growth of my channel now is slower than it was back then when I thought I was so rubbish. Lol at the irony. Moral of the story - don't give up. Who knows where I would be now if I had just ignored Lucifer and kept on going on. It's not something I can really say I regret though, because I've definitely learnt from it.
I never actually deleted the channel so it retained all the subscribers - about 390 or so. So, you see, despite how I felt about myself doing YouTube back then, people still found my channel worth subscribing to. I consider my videos now to be of much better quality and content than before, but the growth of my channel now is slower than it was back then when I thought I was so rubbish. Lol at the irony. Moral of the story - don't give up. Who knows where I would be now if I had just ignored Lucifer and kept on going on. It's not something I can really say I regret though, because I've definitely learnt from it.
Patience
Something I've always struggled with, in all aspects of my life, I am impatient. And doing this whole blogging/YouTube gig, requires more patience than I possess in my little body. Honestly. Dedicating a whole day to shooting 3 different outfits and you think you killed it when you preview the pictures on your camera's viewfinder but when you upload them to your laptop, there's really not even one good picture?! Filming a 20 minute video, then going to edit it and realizing you had lipstick on your teeth the whole time looking crazy af lol. Man, it's more than I thought I could handle, but to God be the Glory, I've been handling it. When everything seems like its against you, that's just the right time to go harder.
RESOLUTIONS
So now, I look to 2017.
It's not exactly going to be a 'New Year, New Me' theory for me lol, maybe to some extent, but not entirely. I've definitely made some great strides and progress that I need to maintain and continue in 2017. I hope that this coming year is as surprising as this year was in terms of me pushing myself to do more and do better. Now that I'm so much more comfortable with all this, I have no excuse to slack in 2017
That being said, my realistic projections for the year ahead do not seem as smooth as I would like them to be. I know the coming year is going to be another challenging year for me with the various things I have committed myself into juggling. I'm going to encounter new as well as old frustrations and be faced with the same demons I've been battling with. The challenge is to rise above it all and graciously take from them my lessons. In the end, you reap what you sew. I intend to reap a helluva lot so I must do well to sew a helluva lot too!
It's not exactly going to be a 'New Year, New Me' theory for me lol, maybe to some extent, but not entirely. I've definitely made some great strides and progress that I need to maintain and continue in 2017. I hope that this coming year is as surprising as this year was in terms of me pushing myself to do more and do better. Now that I'm so much more comfortable with all this, I have no excuse to slack in 2017
That being said, my realistic projections for the year ahead do not seem as smooth as I would like them to be. I know the coming year is going to be another challenging year for me with the various things I have committed myself into juggling. I'm going to encounter new as well as old frustrations and be faced with the same demons I've been battling with. The challenge is to rise above it all and graciously take from them my lessons. In the end, you reap what you sew. I intend to reap a helluva lot so I must do well to sew a helluva lot too!
Acknowledging the little achievements
As I mentioned earlier, I've really only just realized that I actually stuck to my new year resolutions from last year. I went through the whole year barely patting myself on the back and noticing the little progression I've made this year. Instead, I was busy paying too much attention to all the negatives. In 2017, I want to acknowledge my successes and commend myself more rather than acknowledging all the things that go wrong. It's a good stimulate to keep me going and help me realize that I am actually doing something and getting somewhere. No matter how little the achievement may be, forward is forward and progress is progress.
Counting my blessings
So this goes hand in hand with the above. I need to take more time to acknowledge all the blessings afforded to me, the little ones as well as the big ones. It's so easy to become unknowingly ungrateful when you don't take the time to acknowledge blessings.
Recently I attended the funeral of a family member who unfortunantly passed away at a young age. As I walked through the cemetry with my dad to go to the burial, I looked at most of the gravestones I walked by. I saw ages like 11, 16, 19, 21, 25 and 30 on those gravestones. Some of them had died years ago, some of them had died more recently. And all I could think to myself was 'wow, this person would've been this age if they were alive today'. Death really has no preference.
In 2017, whether I do better than I did this year or whether I do worse than I did this year, whilst I still have life and even my faith, I need to remember to be grateful. Doing this one small act throughout your year can give you such a whole new perspective of and appreciation for your life. Throughout the year and in it's last few days, 2016 has claimed so many lives. So I'm beyond grateful for mine right now.
Recently I attended the funeral of a family member who unfortunantly passed away at a young age. As I walked through the cemetry with my dad to go to the burial, I looked at most of the gravestones I walked by. I saw ages like 11, 16, 19, 21, 25 and 30 on those gravestones. Some of them had died years ago, some of them had died more recently. And all I could think to myself was 'wow, this person would've been this age if they were alive today'. Death really has no preference.
In 2017, whether I do better than I did this year or whether I do worse than I did this year, whilst I still have life and even my faith, I need to remember to be grateful. Doing this one small act throughout your year can give you such a whole new perspective of and appreciation for your life. Throughout the year and in it's last few days, 2016 has claimed so many lives. So I'm beyond grateful for mine right now.
Networking
If you know me, you probably will know that I'm a tad antisocial - just a tad, lol. I love, love, LOVE my comfort zone. I find it rather uncomfortable to be in unfamiliar situations. But as I grow, I realize that it's something I'm going to have to get used to, particularly if I want to get anywhere with all this.
This year I took the smallest little baby steps to get out there and put myself in unfamiliar situations in an attempt to get over my social awkwardness. Bigger baby steps in 2017 ^_^.
Grow in my progress
In the words of Queen Bey .. Only way to go is UP!
Learn how to drink Coffee
Because I'm gonna bloody need it! lol.
How are you guys ushering in your new year?!
This year for New Years Eve, I am attending church (as per usual) to praise and worship my way into 2017 and usher in MY year. These are not outfits for the church children lol - I hope these two outfits serve as inspiration for anyone attending parties or going on a night out - and this post should be up in time for your 'getting ready' rituals ladies ^_^
Wishing you all a happy, happy New Year! Here's to an amazing 2017!
Pictures: Eniola Akinlabi, Nana Yaa
OUTFIT NO.1
Jumper / ZARA
Skirt / Asos
Shoes / ZARA
OUTFIT NO.2
This outfit (except the shoes & coat) was actually bought and put together by my mum, believe it or not, lol.
Crop Top / New Look
Skirt / TK Maxx
Coat / Primark
Shoes / ZARA
Subscribe to my channels on YouTube here and here.Crop Top / New Look
Skirt / TK Maxx
Coat / Primark
Shoes / ZARA
ALL THE LOVE X
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